Top Ten Signs You're Watching Too Much "American Idol" Top Ten

At confession, you say, "Forgive me, dawg, for I have sinned" Each week, you vote one of your kids out of the house After sex you say to your wife in a Brittish accent, "Awful. Just pathetic" FOX switchboard operator knows you by name When "Idol" comes on, so do the adult diapers Had your stomach stapled like Randy and you weren't even overweight You understand what Paula Abdul is blabbing about No number 3 -- writer watching "American Idol" Got Adam Sandler to guest host your talk show so you could stay home and vote for Sanjaya Your TiVo recommends you get some counseling

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Today's Top Ten

Friday, March 30, 2007 Top Ten Features Of The One Million Dollar Laptop  Top Ten    Goes perfectly with your $600,000 desk chair If you hit Control-F5, a kid shows up at your door with a meatball sub Mouse is an actual mouse. What? That doesn't make sense Play a "Sanford & Son" DVD, smart technology cuts right to the funny part where Fred is having "The big one" Pop-ups tell you every time Paris Hilton is having sex on the Internet Pre-programmed with Craig T. Nelson's e-mail address Documentation that explains what the "Scroll lock" key actually does -- am I right people? Let me hear you! High-definition lickable screen that tastes like bacon All I'm sayin' is, it better get you laid Instead of "You got mail," computer says "You got screwed"

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Fitting Final

Three months after meeting in the college football championship game, Florida and Ohio State get together again with a title at stake. Jeff Goodman says this is the matchup everybody wanted and has the makings of a classic. Full Story ...

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Weird News

  Cyberclues Lead to Robbery Arrest   (Associated Press)

A bank robbery suspect was arrested after leaving a trail of cyberclues, including an online search for "how not to rob a bank."

  Girl, 16, Kicked Off Plane for Coughing   (Associated Press)

A 16-year-old girl who caught a cold during a school trip to New York was kicked off her flight home because she was coughing.

  18 Students Fed Laxative in Doughnuts   (Associated Press)

Some Long Island eighth graders apparently got an early start on April Fool's Day pranks when they handed out doughnuts laced with laxatives to classmates.

  Frog-Jumping Contests Duel in California   (Associated Press)

A quarrel between the organizers of the Calaveras County Fair and its annual Jumping Frog Jubilee has led to plans for dueling frog-hopping contests.

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